feeling rather down and out= TC - Training contract and trainee solicitor information and resources

pink · #1 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 14:25

hello everyone. I just wanted to say in the elusive search for a training contract I just feel rather down and out. Alot down and out though. I figured perhaps others might be feeling the same, after dedicating hours to answering ridiculous application questions. So someone sent me this; to remind me that the profession I am going into actually has a funny side to it. Maybe it will cheer other fellow students up.

FWD: court quotes
>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
>people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
>by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
>were actually taking place.
>
>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>________________________________
>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>WITNESS: July 18th.
>ATTORNEY: What year?
>WITNESS: Every year.
>_____________________________________
>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>WITNESS: I forget.
>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>_____________________________________
>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>_____________________________________
>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
>WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
>WITNESS: We both do.
>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>WITNESS: We do.
>ATTORNEY: You do?
>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
>he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>____________________________________
>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
>________________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>WITNESS: Uh....
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>WITNESS: None.
>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>WITNESS: By death.
>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>notice which I sent to your attorney?
>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
>people?
>WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>
>WITNESS: Oral.
>______________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>autopsy on him!
>____________________________________________
>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>WITNESS: Huh?
>____________________________________________
>
>And the best for last
>
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>pulse?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
>the autopsy?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law.
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Alexxx · #2 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 15:26

Alexxx · #3 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 15:46

Its too nice of a day to feel down about stupid Traning Contracts!!

pink · #4 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 16:59

thanx Alexxx. But I am much too depressed about the whole thing. What are the chances of securing one after the LPC, I mean this summer is very make or break

f1grainne · #5 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 17:09

Cheer up, I got mine a year after I finished my LPC... it's not all doom and gloom!

Alexxx · #6 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 17:11

when did you finish the lpc, what u been doing meanwhile? im sure u will get it!!! we all will!!

Pen73669 · #7 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 17:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by pink

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

I like this one the best!! Keep going it will happen eventually if we all keep applying (or so people keep telling me).

pink · #8 (**permalink**) 23rd May 2007, 17:39

Lol, thanks for all ur replies. I havent finished the LPC. I have completed the LLB, the LLM in Intellectual Property law (ranking top of my year) and i took a year out to work as a paralegal as i could not afford the lpc fees this year.
Glad to hear that some of you received TC's after though!

Pen: i loved that one too.

Kind of makes me happy I am not becoming a barrister really but a solicitor.

bones · #9 (**permalink**) 24th May 2007, 11:02

One of the secretaries in my firm emailed me this one:

Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed.
Then I went to heaven, but only in my dreams.
Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates.
He said, "I must check your record, please stand here and wait."
He turned and said, "Your record is covered with terrible flaws.
On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause."
I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too.
Fact is, you've done everything a good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here. Your life was full of sin.
Then he read the last of my record, took my hand and said, "Come in."
He led me up to the big boss and said "Take her in and treat her well."

She used to work in a law firm. She's done her time in hell."

Pen73669 · #10 (**permalink**) 24th May 2007, 11:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by bones

She used to work in a law firm. She's done her time in hell."

Ha ha and yet we still all want a job with them